Burn
by Rumielf
Summary: A songfic from Tasuki's POV, set during the second OVA leading up to the night at the inn.


_A/N and disclaimer: Ah, I'm back again with another Tasuki and Miaka songfic! They are just a perfect fit for so many songs. And how could I resist doing a fic to The Cure's "Burn"? I hope you all enjoy it as I enjoy writing these songfics. Oh, and the usual...I own nothing. As mentioned I definitely don't own the song and Yuu Watase still owns Tasuki and Miaka and all other items Fushigi Yuugi. But I still like writing about them. :) I'm going to place this during the second OVA while they are all traveling together trying to gather Taka's memory jewels after Nuriko's jewel has been found but before the incident at the inn. And for once I'm going to keep it from (mainly) a single person's POV. Tasuki's. I hope you all will enjoy it. Let me know what you think. :)_

_**

* * *

**__**"Don't look, don't look" the shadows breathe  
Whispering me away from you  
"Don't wake at night to watch her sleep  
You know that you will always lose  
This trembling  
Adored  
Tousled bird mad girl... "**_

Tasuki sat, leaning against the wall, the blanket piled around him. They had been traveling for 2 days now on the search for Taka's jewels of memory. Chichiri slept on the far side of the room near the door, ready to wake and warn them if he sensed something. He looked over at the slender form that occupied the only bed in the room. Auburn hair lay on the pillow barely reflecting the moonlight that shone through the window. Miaka's head was turned toward him, eyes closed in sleep. Taking a deep breath Tasuki managed to look away for a long moment trying to find the will to close his eyes and sleep. But inexorably his head turned back towards her sleeping form. Her lips curved in a small smile as though her dreams were pleasant and he wished with every fiber of his being that she was dreaming of him, unlikely though it seemed. Then from the far side of the bed came a muffled grunt and the sound of blankets rustling. Taka's arm came into view and reached out to lay over Miaka's body. With that unspoken reminder Tasuki stood quietly and walked outside. As he walked past Chichiri and thorugh the door he didn't see the bright green eyes that opened fully and watched him go, bright with unnamed emotion.

_**But every night I burn  
But every night I call your name  
Every night I burn  
Every night I fall again  
**_  
Tasuki stood in the garden and looked up at the night sky trying to calm himself. _Is it always gonna be like this?_ he asked himself. It had been so long since the day he had spirited Miaka away from Eiken and fallen in love with those green eyes of hers. He didn't fully admit it to himself back then but he was sure that Chichiri had known something was up when he reacted so strongly to Tama's betrayal. Yet he was proud of the way he had held himself in check. As far as he knew she had no idea of the depth of his caring for her. Two years had passed without her and then she was back with them. Only Tama was with her...in a way. And still letting him know that she was already spoken for.

Knowing all that still didn't stop the burning need that filled him to take her back into his arms and never let go. During the day Taka took notice of the looks that he stole towards Miaka. So with a great amount of effort Tasuki had stopped watching her. At least until she slept. Then his eyes could drink their fill of her. Only it seemed that morning came too soon, and still his heart ached.

_**"Oh don't talk of love" the shadows purr  
Murmuring me away from you  
"Don't talk of worlds that never were  
The end is all that's ever true  
There's nothing you can ever say  
Nothing you can ever do... "**_

The day did indeed come too soon and he found himself wondering how Taka could live with himself after making Miaka cry so many tears. How could he hurt her so much? And to get away from the strange and almost pitying looks from his friends he walked through the woods trying anything to get her off his mind. Nothing seemed to work. In so many little ways he was reminded of her. Now out of earshot of everyone he openly stated his dislike of the way Taka made her cry. But even as he spoke the words they felt bitter and only succeeded in making him feel like a traitor. He had grown to respect and befriend Tama so long ago. And Taka was holding up relatively well for all that had happened. Still, he had hurt Miaka so many times. What did she still see in him? Was it because Tama now came from her world? Would there ever be a way that he could go to her world himself and stay? And would she want him there?

_**Still every night I burn  
Every night I scream your name  
Every night I burn  
Every night the dream's the same  
Every night I burn  
Waiting for my only friend  
Every night I burn  
Waiting for the world to end  
**_  
His walk had turned out to last until the sun was down past the horizon. Perhaps he should turn back. After all, this would be over once they found the final jewels. At least, that was what he had to believe. The sooner they found the remaining jewels, the sooner Tenkou would be done with and the sooner Taka and Miaka would go back to her world.

Yet, as much as he wanted to end the torture and simply have her out of reach for good he knew that losing her would tear him apart inside.

As he turned to head back his node twitched as it caught a strange smell. An old, musty odor, and it was getting stronger.

_**"Just paint your face" the shadows smile  
Slipping me away from you  
"Oh it doesn't matter how you hide  
Find you if we're wanting to  
So slide back down and close your eyes  
Sleep a while  
You must be tired... "**_

Tasuki pushed her back onto the bed, almost roughly. The last traces of drunkeness had vanished from Miaka's terrified eyes. Now she stared at him, pleading with words and looks. He couldn't stop. It seemed like a dream, both good and bad. Miaka's warm body beneath him. Her hair felt so soft across his arm. He spoke quietly, promising to never hurt her, to never make her cry...

Even as he spoke the words he felt a drop fall onto the hand that cradled her head.

In shock he raised himself up and looked at her, his brain a little clearer for a moment. She was crying! She was crying because of him. To his knowledge she had only done that once before. That time that he held off Nakago and Tama she had thought him dead. He remembered the taste of her tears. Now she looked so sad and hurt. And hadn't he swore to himself that he would never hurt her?

A commotion outside distracted him and the moment of clarity receded. The next few minutes seemed lost in a red haze. When he was able to focus again Taka was standing on the stairs, battered and bleeding, still telling him that they were friends. Miaka then caught his attention and smiled up at him sadly trying to reach out to him through the haze. All the while his brain seemed to pulse in time with his heart, louder and louder, repeating, _kill them kill them kill them..._

Tasuki backed away from Miaka in horror as the haze lifted and he realized what he had done. Now he fought the pressure inside his mind refusing to give in to the command.

Unable to see another choice he dropped to his knees and brought his _tessen_ down, igniting himself and the immediate area around him. In a moment he would be able to sleep and not have to wake to this nightmare again. It was so warm...

_**But every night I burn  
Every night I call your name  
Every night I burn  
Every night I fall again  
Every night I burn  
Scream the animal scream  
Every night I burn  
Dream the crow black dream**_

The flames licked at his skin and he tensed then relaxed. At least the torture would end sooner than he had expected. Perhaps that was a small blessing of sorts. No more dreaming about her being a world away. No more stealing glances when he thought is was safe. No more thoughts about betraying his friends for a woman who obviously didn't want him. Even after seeing her cry he simply wanted to hold her. But since that couldn't happen maybe this was for the best.

"Tasuki!"

Miaka's scream reached his ears and he couldn't help smiling. She cared for him at least that much. To cry out for him even after he had done these things to her. _Goodbye, Miaka-chan,_ he thought as he collapsed completely. _I did love ya. Even after all of this. I only wanted you to love me, even just a little. _

Suddenly he felt a coolness against his face and strong arms lifted him out of the flames. Tasuki opened his eyes a tiny fraction and saw Mitsukake looking down at him and shaking his head. He chastised Tasuki even as he carried him and for once Tasuki was too tired to fight back. He felt the waves of green light wash over his skin, easing off the pain of the burns. As he was set down on the floor he felt smaller arms thrown around him, holding him tight. Miaka's arms. She was crying again but this time out of relief to see him alive.

"Tasuki! You're stupid sometimes! You can be so stupid!" she cried, burying her face against his chest.

_**Dream the crow black dream...**_

He sighed and put an arm around her. "Yeah, I'm stupid." But she still cared about him. And that was all that mattered for the moment. He could deal with everything else later.


End file.
